absolutely cynical has become ALIVE. again.

i know not many people pay a visit to my pathetic, lonely blog nowadays, so today i'm going to blog something i only shared with a friend called me.

note, I'm not complaining about charity work.

okay, first of all, I APOLOGISE for my absence during the last fellowship (when was it anyway?). Reason, I was doing community service in Kuantan (in which I felt more useful). That's why I was lost, confused and left out on (not mine) YOUR big day.

I experienced the so-called age gap. Look here guys, I know I'm still stuck in high school, (with all the lousy facilities,) but today marked the end point of my form four journey, and I'm another step closer to being a CAMPUS student.

I grew up, okay.

Dear 'Old people' (you know who)

I know you are older than me. You have attained adequate experience in blah blah blah, and I do not deny your superiority in blarh blarh blarh, nor am I trying to rebel against you.

But, I feel like you are excluding me from everything. Look, one day you will ALL grow OLD and that is the time YOUNG PEOPLE will have to take over, even outshine you until you go blind.

I'm young, inexperienced and lost. I'm young, just because I'm younger than you guys are. I am inexperienced, because of the years I have used to invest in my education, which I thought was my life. Now I have unwrapped myself, ever ready to absorb new things in. Did you notice that?

I'm lost, because you guys treat me like I'm dead.

No, I did not receive updates as requested, or even promised. Maybe it was wrong for me to wait for someone to send me the latest updates. Remember the time I stayed back for the little meeting with four of you?

Come to think of it, that meeting was held for the sake for something-- nothing.

But, I did not go for community service in Kuantan for nothing.

As usual, before I sign off, I admit that I am wrong for harboring such bitter feelings towards you guys since....like, when I was still an immature and irresponsible young kid? Maybe writing this post is a serious mistake too. But nobody's perfect after all.

signed,

Rou En

The absolutely cynical

ps. i will repent for my sins. you?

update

Hey!

Time to throw away those boring reference books aside, it's time to bask in OUR youth, something we have been deprived of since the existence of school assessments.

Today

for someone like me who loses track of time during school, I packed up my things and left when I saw everyone doing so. Completely oblivious that it was still 1.30pm, I walked towards the back gate.

I was only supposed to leave at 2.10, and I had no idea that I subconsciously skipped class. Than I was told that the school made an abrupt decision that students are allowed to leave at 1.30.

Was that so?

What on earth happened to me, I wonder?

MOM what do you wanna eat?

I'm bringing SEXY DUCK back tonight!!! ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Because i was so tired of studying, i took random pictures

whole pile of work undone.

camphor

See that? Do you see any similarities?




I hate people who waste their time clicking away that stupid camera button. What's so nice about it?

They pose in front of the camera like idiots, washing their time down the drain. Problem is, I find it hard to explore that complex little nutbrain in them, trying to figure out why cam whoring is as addictive as nicotine.

Sources claim that they get instant gratification. But I don't. It is ANNOYING. I have nothing against people taking pictures, but if they begin clicking away that camera button for the 20th time, that's cam whoring. It's the third sin after Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber.

If you can't accept the painful fact that you're NOT photogenic, cam whoring isn't the last alternative you must or should resort to. For example, me. I'm not photogenic, that's why I avoid taking unnecessary pictures.

Define the term 'necessary'. Facebook is rife with stupid youngsters cam whoring in toilets. Is that necessary? Is it necessary to have the same picture all over your photo album? Are you trying to appeal your stalkers?

Are you living in the delusion that people are obsessed with you?

you don't know how much it hurts

i live in misery.
today i was so tired, sick of the arrogant attitude of ugly Malaysians, sick of their ignorance about the importance of punctuality. my productivity time was greatly consumed by selfish individuals whose lives reigned by hedonism-- their insatiable thirst for worldly enjoyment drove me up the wall.

As if money grew in their pockets.

I was on the verge of a severe emotional breakdown, and i certainly did breakdown. My heart was burning. I traveled back to the past, back when I was an insecure, shallow and sensitive young lady, searching for attention, appreciation and respect. I was foolish. I did stupid things. Unassuagable guilt compelled me to repent, and I changed. But they brought it back. They ruined everything.

I can't remember- but my mind could not, (or perhaps, a more appropriate word, should not) conjure any nostalgic memories. Did i step out, did I endeavor to fit myself in their social circle? Was there an empty slot which could fit my volatile temperament? Was it a thick sense of obligation monitoring the relationship?

It hurts everytime i think about it. The feeling is bitter.

I live in ignorance- I don't want to know how they are, where they are or if they ever existed.

But do they sense the hostility? Do they sense the gap between? Time has made it deeper and wider, and this is the fact I am trying to ignore.

tear me into pieces, so that i can roam in more places.

MATAHARIANS: WHAT HAPPENED TO US?

2 Matahari of 2008
3 Matahari of 2009
4 MATAHARI of 2010

What I noticed recently---ALL of us are busy.

Some are busy, some are extremely busy, some are losing their sleep.

A lot are not in class. It's always like that. I see empty chairs, despite there were bags on it.
All of us are so busy, running up and down the whole school. Ko-ko, this that and many excuses.

When we were in form two, it wasn't like that. All of us were in class. Very little walking in and out. When one person cried, so many people cried together. When one person cracked a joke, everybody laughed.

Then, all this prefect stuff barged in. So many Mataharians started to be involved in school politics. Half of the class just wiped out bafore and after recess. Then there's pengawas nilam. Pengawas koperasi. 3 quarters of the class were involved in politics.

Now things are worse--- KRS, this club that club, this sport that sport, even I myself am busy with Koko. Jokes are seldom shared together-- as in together, everyone in the class.

What happened? A teacher once commented that our class was power crazy. It's like without Matahari, the whole school will malfunction.

I guess this is the fate of Mataharians.

exams

5 MINUTES BEFORE CHEMISTRY EXAM STARTS
TEACHER: three students are missing. where are they?

STUDENTS IN CLASS:
Due to excessive consumption of H₂O, they are now excreting CH₄N₂O (urea), which has a molar mass of 60.06 g mol^−1.

5 MINUTES BEFORE BIOLOGY EXAM STARTS
TEACHER: three students are missing. where are they?

STUDENTS IN CLASS:
Cellular metabolism generates numerous waste compounds, many rich in nitrogen, that require elimination from the bloodstream, so their kidneys have to extract the soluble wastes from the bloodstream, as well as excess water, sugars, and a variety of other compounds and store the waste products in the urinary bladder. As their urinary bladder is too full, they need to excrete urine through the urethra by urination.

5 MINUTES BEFORE PHYSICS EXAM STARTS
TEACHER: three students are missing. where are they?

STUDENTS IN CLASS:
The distance form the toilet to the class is 20 meters, if they travel to the tolilet and back to class again, their displacement will be zero. If the time taken for them to reach the toilet from the classroom is 5 seconds, their velocity is 4 m per s. If they sprint all the way from the toilet back to class, you'll see the beauty of possessing agility and youth. If they unfortunately bang into the headmaster, you'll see the beauty of physics.

5 MINUTES BEFORE MORAL EXAM STARTS
TEACHER: three students are missing. where are they?

STUDENTS IN CLASS:
Mereka tidak dapat sabar dan mengawal diri kerana terlalu banyak air kencing. Oleh itu, mereka tidak mengamalkan nilai toleransi.