Jokes in 2008

Funny jokes I collected in 2008....
(ps. lame jokes are coming soon)

1. A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Bobby stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you are stupid, Bobby?" "No ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there by yourself!"

2. One Sunday morning a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready to go to church, to which he replied, "I'm not going." "Why not?" she asked. "I'll give you two good reasons," he said. "One, they don't like me, and two, I don't like them." His mother replied, "I'll give you two good reasons why you should go to church. One, you're 59 years old, and two, you're the pastor!"

3. A man comes home and finds his wife and his friend in bed. He shoots his friend with a M16 and killed him. His wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends. "

4. A small boy wrote to Santa Claus, 'send me a brother....' Santa wrote back, "SEND ME YOUR MOTHER'

5. Teacher: 'Do you know the importance of a period?' Kid: 'Yeah, once my sister missed one, my mom fainted, my dad got a heart attack and our driver ran away.'

6. Young boy: 'Daddy, what is the difference between confident and confidential?' Dad: 'You are my son, I am confident about that. Your friend over there is also my son, that's confidential!!!'

7. This is a cute one:>>>

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.

I was only 2 years old.

Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', (which was actually just water). After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy "tea", my Mom came home.

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of "tea" for Daddy and she watches him drink it up.

Then she says, (as only a mother would know... :)

'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet bowl?'

8.

Perks of being over 70

(or what you have to look forward to if you are not yet over 70). 1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. 2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. 3. No one expects you to run - anywhere. 4. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?" 5. Things you buy now won't wear out. 6. you can't read this without straining your eyes. 7. Your eyes won't get much worse. 8. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service. 9. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. 10. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size. 11. You can't remember who sent you this list 9. I love thanksgiving.

10. You can have it for free.

Can you spot the difference between these two pictures? If you ask me, I can't. They're the same.

Out of all the tall guys in this whole wide world, robert pattinson.
Out of all the guys who have hair in this whole wide world , robert pattinson.
Out of all the guys who can walk in this whole wide world , robert pattinson.

robert pattinson robert pattinson robert pattinson. I mean, why???

His voice, is like some kind of constipated guy (so much for the soft, velvet voice.)

I watched twilight today, and it kinda sucked. And why must they cut out all those scenes? The scene where Emmett said: "This is wrong, Edward, this is wrong! She's not one of us!" (or some thing like that) It's in the trailer! This is wrong, you people, this is wrong! What's the problem with the scene?

Rotten tomatoes gave a rating of 43 over a hundred, 81 critics in 143 reviews.

I rate the movie, 5 over 10. How 'bout you?

Pictures in 2008

When you get emo, you get so frustrated and you blame it all on an innocent little elmo



But this is still the reason why I love disney princesses..... they're hot, aren't they?

CSI fans

Okay, what is this? For CSI wannabes? Do you get to meet Eddie Cahill? I'm curious.

Click, and I'm in this website >>> http://degrees.classesusa.com/schools/17466-page-1.cusa

Titled:

Thinking about a Crime Scene Investigation Career?

okay, you get to become a CSI? Not baaaaad. Bad news is, you have to become an American citizen. Ha..........

Get a degree online and open the door to your future? Go to this website
>>>http://degrees.classesusa.com/browse/?campusType=online&browseType=0.
See it for yourself. Lazy to tell.

A letter to Bill Gates

Got this really lame message from my friend:

This letter is from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft

Subject: Problems with my new computer

Dear Mr. Bill Gates, We have bought a computer for our homeand we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.

2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' ?? he ran up to Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we can click that by sitting.

3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I only own a scooter at my home.

4. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

5. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that??

6. I brought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items ?? 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine.
So when will you keep my photo in that..

8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use this PC at home only..

9. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?? 10. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God shake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after
my office hours..

Regards, Banta Last one from me to Mr Bill Gates : Sir, how
is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS ???

Tag (exaggerated version)

What' s the connection between you and the last person that called?
Last person I called? Does a Pizza Hut operator count?

What happened at 3:00 pm yesterday?
Calling that friggin operator la!

What do you want in your life right now?
I want to skip this question.

How's your heart lately?
Even if I said that it stopped beating what can you do?

How have you felt today?
Awesome..... until now.

When' s the last time you showered?
Hours ago....

Do you like your name?
Yeah. It's a place in France.

Would you rather be cheated with or on?
Well, I cheated in the last penilaian......

How many drugs have you done in the last 7 days?
So you're sending me to rehab huh?

Who/ what do you hate/ dislike currently?
I dislike answering such lame questions currently.

Do you believe in karma?
What's that?

Do you think you can last an hour without talking?
When I'm sleeping yes.

What are you doing after this?
Answering the next question.

Did you just wake up?
....from?

What's the color of the soap in your bathroom?
(I think I ate it)

What can you hear right now?
The clock ticking.

Last thing you drank
Universal solvent

Have you ever received a love letter?no?
You sound like my mom (jkjk)

Have you ever cried in a movie theater?
What's so nice to cry about?

Have you ever slapped someone?
Yes.

Would you ever donate blood?
I donate blood to mosquitoes almost everyday.

What does your last text message say?
MYOB.


I Tag YOU!!!

stuck

So sorry for not blogging for the past few weeks (or is it, months?)

I'm going to tell you what happened last last week in my house. I GOT LOCKED in my own ROOM. It's one of the worst things that could happen on a Friday night.

I just couldn't open the door, no matter I push or pull or whatever. My room door somehow got stuck, and I'm stuck in my room too. I tried using my dad's credit card to open the friggin door, but it didn't work at all. (For once, credit cards couldn't solve the problem)

I tried again, and that was before I found out that the credit card I'm using is actually still valid. Whoops. Made a few scratches.... Same goes to the other side of my room door... Jeez how come all those FBIs can kick open doors so easily... Movies.

While locked inside my room, I kept imaginating scary "things" appearing, getting closer and closer to me.... ARGH SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!

In the end, I got out of the room.... by climbing out from my room's window, and then back into the house through my brother's room window. Spent a night in the study room again, (fell asleep while listening to the radio) and in the middle of the night, the radio dial moved by itself again too.......