typical humans

Most of us just love freebies. We take free stuff despite the fact that we don't really need it. We bring it home, and throw it aside to collect dust. After a few years, it will become rubbish.

Just like the X'mas party I attended. I received a free mug and a Santa hat. I bought them home, and up till today I have not touched them. Strange. That night, a guy dressed in Santa Claus costume was throwing a whole bunch of Santa hats towards a delirious crowd, which I was a part of. As the Santa hats were catapulted into the air, the same notion ran through everyone's mind-- I MUST get the Santa hat.

But do I really need the hat? I saw some adults carrying a five of six Santa hats, while some had none.

Before that, I was queuing up to receive a door gift. Each registered family is entitled for one door gift. Upon registration, each family will receive a red coupon as proof of registration.

Man behind me: Need coupon ah? No need larh!

(muffled sounds)

Not long after.....

Man behind me: Register my name lah, can get one more gift!

I thought, hey, do you really need that much? Earth's resources are limited after all.

About the sea shells

1. I'm not defending nor criticizing la -las.

2. I do not approve la -la fashion, but that doesn't mean I have to criticize it.

--Well, since they love stripes, let them be. Who are we to discriminate them? This is their preference. You can't guarantee everyone loves your sense of style anyway.

3. However, the way la- las conduct themselves is intolerable to me.

---- Some people may not dress like la -las, but they act like them.

a knife tossed.

Dear blog,

Guess I'm only writing to you since my blogspot is as lonely as a desert.

Today I just received an (unexpected) mail.

Oh well, before I begin the story, I have been quite upset these few days because my holiday plans are canceled, and I'm sealed in boredom.

Hence, the absolutely cynical me is up to do something naughty.

To tell the truth, everything would have been WAY BETTER if I was off to Penang. Now, since I'm stuck here at home, I'm up to no good. I feel like picking up a sharp razor knife and stab someone. (note, not physically. I anyone gets killed, it's not my fault).

So on this fine day, I received this mail which has driven my evil mind kicking alive:

(details of sender and the rest of the recipients are confidential)

As most of you may have thought, for the (censored) this (censored), we will do a post mortem of the recent (censored). While this is necessary, I hope we would not spend the entire time discussing this. One way to make most of the meeting is to punctual and come prepared to share.

Hopefully we can spend the first half meeting for this and then for the remaining time, it would be good we can have as many (censored) ones as possible to give short (censored) testimony on how they have experienced (censored) throughout the camp preparation. This would certainly encourage and build one another.

some parts are just too sensitive, I had to censor them.

This is just an extract. While it may be inspiring for some, I choose not to reply.

I can't believe I'm doing this. Evil is controlling me.

What have I experienced, oh please. I have not seen this coming, and I'm not even a bit prepared for this. I was expecting to be away. AWAY.

I don't want this! This is so disturbing. What did I experience? Fact is, I mentally drafted it weeks ago. However, it will be too shocking for them to handle.

My testimony here is, there were a lot of helpers. (neutral statement) This means HR did a wonderful job (positive statement). However, this also means there are people like me who practically stoned the whole day, (negative statement) . And what I really mean is, I know I have not been involved in the preparation, but I don't really regret it (shocking). I didn't feel useful at all (very shocking) and I want to quit the service. (Super shocking)

Two words: coordination problem.

But I don't think THAT would be appropriate. Who am I to say anyway?

absolutely cynical has become ALIVE. again.

i know not many people pay a visit to my pathetic, lonely blog nowadays, so today i'm going to blog something i only shared with a friend called me.

note, I'm not complaining about charity work.

okay, first of all, I APOLOGISE for my absence during the last fellowship (when was it anyway?). Reason, I was doing community service in Kuantan (in which I felt more useful). That's why I was lost, confused and left out on (not mine) YOUR big day.

I experienced the so-called age gap. Look here guys, I know I'm still stuck in high school, (with all the lousy facilities,) but today marked the end point of my form four journey, and I'm another step closer to being a CAMPUS student.

I grew up, okay.

Dear 'Old people' (you know who)

I know you are older than me. You have attained adequate experience in blah blah blah, and I do not deny your superiority in blarh blarh blarh, nor am I trying to rebel against you.

But, I feel like you are excluding me from everything. Look, one day you will ALL grow OLD and that is the time YOUNG PEOPLE will have to take over, even outshine you until you go blind.

I'm young, inexperienced and lost. I'm young, just because I'm younger than you guys are. I am inexperienced, because of the years I have used to invest in my education, which I thought was my life. Now I have unwrapped myself, ever ready to absorb new things in. Did you notice that?

I'm lost, because you guys treat me like I'm dead.

No, I did not receive updates as requested, or even promised. Maybe it was wrong for me to wait for someone to send me the latest updates. Remember the time I stayed back for the little meeting with four of you?

Come to think of it, that meeting was held for the sake for something-- nothing.

But, I did not go for community service in Kuantan for nothing.

As usual, before I sign off, I admit that I am wrong for harboring such bitter feelings towards you guys since....like, when I was still an immature and irresponsible young kid? Maybe writing this post is a serious mistake too. But nobody's perfect after all.

signed,

Rou En

The absolutely cynical

ps. i will repent for my sins. you?

update

Hey!

Time to throw away those boring reference books aside, it's time to bask in OUR youth, something we have been deprived of since the existence of school assessments.

Today

for someone like me who loses track of time during school, I packed up my things and left when I saw everyone doing so. Completely oblivious that it was still 1.30pm, I walked towards the back gate.

I was only supposed to leave at 2.10, and I had no idea that I subconsciously skipped class. Than I was told that the school made an abrupt decision that students are allowed to leave at 1.30.

Was that so?

What on earth happened to me, I wonder?

MOM what do you wanna eat?

I'm bringing SEXY DUCK back tonight!!! ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Because i was so tired of studying, i took random pictures

whole pile of work undone.

camphor

See that? Do you see any similarities?




I hate people who waste their time clicking away that stupid camera button. What's so nice about it?

They pose in front of the camera like idiots, washing their time down the drain. Problem is, I find it hard to explore that complex little nutbrain in them, trying to figure out why cam whoring is as addictive as nicotine.

Sources claim that they get instant gratification. But I don't. It is ANNOYING. I have nothing against people taking pictures, but if they begin clicking away that camera button for the 20th time, that's cam whoring. It's the third sin after Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber.

If you can't accept the painful fact that you're NOT photogenic, cam whoring isn't the last alternative you must or should resort to. For example, me. I'm not photogenic, that's why I avoid taking unnecessary pictures.

Define the term 'necessary'. Facebook is rife with stupid youngsters cam whoring in toilets. Is that necessary? Is it necessary to have the same picture all over your photo album? Are you trying to appeal your stalkers?

Are you living in the delusion that people are obsessed with you?

you don't know how much it hurts

i live in misery.
today i was so tired, sick of the arrogant attitude of ugly Malaysians, sick of their ignorance about the importance of punctuality. my productivity time was greatly consumed by selfish individuals whose lives reigned by hedonism-- their insatiable thirst for worldly enjoyment drove me up the wall.

As if money grew in their pockets.

I was on the verge of a severe emotional breakdown, and i certainly did breakdown. My heart was burning. I traveled back to the past, back when I was an insecure, shallow and sensitive young lady, searching for attention, appreciation and respect. I was foolish. I did stupid things. Unassuagable guilt compelled me to repent, and I changed. But they brought it back. They ruined everything.

I can't remember- but my mind could not, (or perhaps, a more appropriate word, should not) conjure any nostalgic memories. Did i step out, did I endeavor to fit myself in their social circle? Was there an empty slot which could fit my volatile temperament? Was it a thick sense of obligation monitoring the relationship?

It hurts everytime i think about it. The feeling is bitter.

I live in ignorance- I don't want to know how they are, where they are or if they ever existed.

But do they sense the hostility? Do they sense the gap between? Time has made it deeper and wider, and this is the fact I am trying to ignore.

tear me into pieces, so that i can roam in more places.

MATAHARIANS: WHAT HAPPENED TO US?

2 Matahari of 2008
3 Matahari of 2009
4 MATAHARI of 2010

What I noticed recently---ALL of us are busy.

Some are busy, some are extremely busy, some are losing their sleep.

A lot are not in class. It's always like that. I see empty chairs, despite there were bags on it.
All of us are so busy, running up and down the whole school. Ko-ko, this that and many excuses.

When we were in form two, it wasn't like that. All of us were in class. Very little walking in and out. When one person cried, so many people cried together. When one person cracked a joke, everybody laughed.

Then, all this prefect stuff barged in. So many Mataharians started to be involved in school politics. Half of the class just wiped out bafore and after recess. Then there's pengawas nilam. Pengawas koperasi. 3 quarters of the class were involved in politics.

Now things are worse--- KRS, this club that club, this sport that sport, even I myself am busy with Koko. Jokes are seldom shared together-- as in together, everyone in the class.

What happened? A teacher once commented that our class was power crazy. It's like without Matahari, the whole school will malfunction.

I guess this is the fate of Mataharians.

exams

5 MINUTES BEFORE CHEMISTRY EXAM STARTS
TEACHER: three students are missing. where are they?

STUDENTS IN CLASS:
Due to excessive consumption of H₂O, they are now excreting CH₄N₂O (urea), which has a molar mass of 60.06 g mol^−1.

5 MINUTES BEFORE BIOLOGY EXAM STARTS
TEACHER: three students are missing. where are they?

STUDENTS IN CLASS:
Cellular metabolism generates numerous waste compounds, many rich in nitrogen, that require elimination from the bloodstream, so their kidneys have to extract the soluble wastes from the bloodstream, as well as excess water, sugars, and a variety of other compounds and store the waste products in the urinary bladder. As their urinary bladder is too full, they need to excrete urine through the urethra by urination.

5 MINUTES BEFORE PHYSICS EXAM STARTS
TEACHER: three students are missing. where are they?

STUDENTS IN CLASS:
The distance form the toilet to the class is 20 meters, if they travel to the tolilet and back to class again, their displacement will be zero. If the time taken for them to reach the toilet from the classroom is 5 seconds, their velocity is 4 m per s. If they sprint all the way from the toilet back to class, you'll see the beauty of possessing agility and youth. If they unfortunately bang into the headmaster, you'll see the beauty of physics.

5 MINUTES BEFORE MORAL EXAM STARTS
TEACHER: three students are missing. where are they?

STUDENTS IN CLASS:
Mereka tidak dapat sabar dan mengawal diri kerana terlalu banyak air kencing. Oleh itu, mereka tidak mengamalkan nilai toleransi.

hols

A QUESTION I DON'T WANT TO HEAR AGAIN. EVER.
first she asked where did i stay, where were my parents. i answered my parents were not with me. then she asked me another question. her tone was casual, but boy, it was offensive.

hey people!!!

now you have a gluttonous holiday, it's my turn to tell my story.

new year holidays are hectic. well, hectic only for those rushing back to their hometowns. Me? i prefer to stay in KL, where everything is so quiet and serene.

The Grand Blue Wave hotel in Shah Alam had been busy the last three days, as the CNY conference was held there. I arrived The Grand Blue Wave on Monday (after a tiring 30 minute flight in the morning) with my friends.

Attending the CNY conference is something you can't screw, and it's not a place you can flaunt your LV handbag. I had been avoiding my old acquaintances, looking at the other direction as I felt their eyes were on me. Skipping all those cliched hello-how-do-you-do conversations wasn't hard. I was not anticipating a reunion, which will probably lead to heart wrenching goodbyes and "aw, i'm gonna miss you" hugs. Disgusting!

Yesterday (was it?) a woman who sat next to me during the conference asked me a question:
"are you married?"

i was horrified, mortified but not glorified. you i*oit, can't you tell that i'm still schooling! how degrading! people say that i look physically older than my biological age, but not that old!

As a civilised person, i had to maintain my dignity. I answered "no" politely, but i was fuming inside. I'm not going to bring my sister out shopping again, in case anyone asks me if i were her mother. If it happens, I'll break down and the whole KL will be flooded.

children are a pain. they always are. those rebellious brats can't keep still and yet some still adore them. I had to serve the children that night, surprisingly not that chaotic, but i was like a phantom haunting the room, as i had no idea what to do.

while i was still pissed of the oh-i-think-you-are-married-but-i-don't-see-a-ring-on-your-finger-don't-tell-me-you-accidentally-threw-it-in-the-incinerator event, this girl (not a child) came up to me and asked:
"do you know english?"

SARCASTIC ANSWER:
是, 我 不 会 英 文, 但 是 我 从 小 接 受 英 文 教 育, PMR 与 UPSR 时 还 在 英 文 科 里 拿 到 A
!!!!
yes, i don't know english, but i was English educated since young, and i scored an A in English in UPSR and PMR!

like i was thirsting for abasement that day!

-----------take a deep breath-------------------------

"yes". I didn't yell my sarcastic answer at her, but i was tempted to. she better not try to talk to me the next time i'm in a bad mood. I'll ask her:

"hey, you know how to talk, WOW!"

insomnia

hey bu4ians, holidays are way over and assignments are calling out for us! i know, i know, it's so hard to fall asleep when anxiety grips your mind.

why i can't sleep? here's why

one. i have a math question in my head . yesterday i can't sleep because there're this math question i can't solve

4 mataharians, you guys should know which question. the question about some cyber club going on a trip. i find the question very confusing (page 39, form 4 mod math text book, the 9th question)

i found the answer, but i'm not sure whether my method is correct. the method i used is quite similar to the 6th question.

if you don't get me, i used a bit of the concept of function.

two. my neighbor's dogs. my brother actually thought there were cats and dogs. but not, there are only dogs. why can't my neighbor's dog tolerate with its own species? stupid dog.

i tell you, the dogs are crazy. there're even worse the little brats. they fight every day. wonder why the dogs have not fought to death yet.

three. guilt. (okay i confess) i skipped the church meeting today cause i was lazy, plus the youths from klang valley will be there, and it'll be quite big.

i have not be attending saturday youth meetings lately. can't blame my cousins for deciding to have their wedding days on saturday nights. sigh. this is bad.

don't you just WISH for the CNY hols to come?

buzz

In cousin's house now. I overslept last night, leaving tons of assignments undone. all thanks to my cousin's wedding--- let me see-- which cousin? i don't know. What a huge failure i am.

THIS YEAR, I WILL BY ALL MEANS HELP GREEN HOUSE to get AT LEAST the second place .
I will sacrifice my sleep if i have to. dedication, people! we have to get the juniors into action!!!

besides bearing sleep deprivation, i'm ready to bid my ipod goodbye. GOODBYE PUSHING DAISIES AND BEYONCE! My brain cells will have to go through another torment-- let's see how much brain juice i can squeeze out this time.

about the new found charity club this year-- geez, it's so difficut setting up a club, and i'm going through ups and downs lately. the only option left is the proposal. is there anyone out there willing to share some ideas with me? i wonder, what's an ideal club supposed to be like? what type of activities appeal to the youngsters today? i need your opinions. feel free to critisize or comment.